Nothing sticks to Teflon, so how does Teflon stick to the pan?

Before we dive into that, let's dispense with a technicality: Teflon was DuPont's original brand name for what now goes by various unattractive pseudonyms, such as "non-stick coated aluminum cookware," as well as a poetic variety of brand names. I'll call these slippery coatings "non-sticks."
In the early days, what the non-stick stuck to was a mechanical issue.
Manufacturers textured a pan by blasting its surface with grit, gouging little pits in the aluminum, or by spraying the cookware with a micro-lumpy ceramic coating or stainless steel, which formed mini-mountains as it hardened. The…